. great gratefulness .

hey ya..

during my growth, i always try to feel grateful whatever the problem is. Family, friends, college's things, future, surrounding environment, healthy, appearance, meals, wealth, and many other things. but, when we are confronted with somethin big, which is God wanna ensure how big is our love and faith to Him, we often forget how to feel grateful. our problem looks bigger than our God. the focus is changed and we feel worry all the time.

i ran into this problem while facing that 2011 was a damn big year for me.. i have a lot of big targets in 2011, but i lost almost of them. almosttt and it, sometimes, made me depressed. stressful day, deadline, unfaithfulness, disappointment, failing, and many more. i wondered "why God shape me so hard? Can i pass this all through? Why everybody being so harsh?" and then i felt down day by day with own intimidated arguments. no wonder, this situation really turn me into somebody. joy and tears came alternately. and the climax was on this december. Mixed up. Twistling. huaaa... and had to stand for all of the problems.

once morning, i called my mommy and tearing down.. i whined, "why me mommy? why? can i mommy? can i finish this things successfully? sorry mommy for the tears, and ruin your bright day" mommy gave me the spirit, and i think God heard our morning conversation. He did his magical thingy, and wanna let me know how great He is. I surrender, i did my last but the best effort that i have, i prayed all the time. day by day, problem was still exist. but, i still can smile. no tears, and all i wanna do was just surrender.  surrender to God.

On the middle of december, my program still didnt work. there was so many bugs. i felt hopeless until God found me someone who could help me fixing all these bugs (bunny.. haha). deadline come closer and it finally worked H-3 before the final registration. i was afraid, "can i test these and complete all of the scenarios and get my advisor's approval to step forward the final session? can i God?". and olala.. God hadn't finished yet, i got a high fever and higher and higher. but, it's magic when the deadline come over, i could finish all the process with strength. not full, but at least i could run and got rush, i could answer all the pre-final session, and everything seems easy. yeay, i could pass the scary 30th december through.. no sleep, restless.. and thank God for having me a lovely sister who helped me fixing the messy things and always be there to remind me about the meals time, medicine and it's friends. hehe.. i felt so blessed...

the day after 30th, my headache became worse. i couldnt walk well-balanced. and.. taraaa.. i got faint while walking out from the bathroom. the second faint for that lately 2 months. huaa.. my sister helped me laying down my body and called my mommy. she gave the medicine, bought me the meals and treated me sooooo great. i felt so blessed. my uncle finally came along and drive me to the hospital. in the emergency room, everything looks so in rush.. and i couldnt forget those screaming. huaaa... so scaryyyy.. children, pregnant lady, accident thingy and sooo many things. maybe i'm the most quiet patient at all.. hahaha.. the doctor came visit and rule me to opname for several night ahead.. sigh.. i refused, but the doctor still stand for his own argument. i couldn't say anything else, and let the nurse insert the infuse hose underneath my skin sincerely.

one week over.. i could go home. yeay! it was like a liberation. ahahaha.. the game wasnt ended yet.. i must continued the left things during my healness. i had to do the testing for all of the scenarios of my program. Thank God, i have so many friends and they were loyal to help each other. they accompanied me do the testing until 3AM every night, lend me additional laptop for the paralel testing and helped me counting all of this sick thousand websites.. sigh.. Thank you all.. i cant say anything else more than my big thanks to you.. no other words.. and finally i reached the end, when the final book's revision ready to be submitted and the schedule was out! my heart drumrolled.. and it was going faster day by day.. until the day was coming. i was so nervous, yet afraid to fail, yet the exciteness. twistling.. i didnt want too many people attending my final session indeed. but, when i arrived in my room there was so many text delivered on my phone. they all come along together to give support for my final and it's impossible to enjoin them out from my final session. haha.. okay.. i had prepared the worst case, since we (informatics) were well-known difficult to go out from the college, if i failed this session and must admit sincerely. but thanks God.. God really works! i could answer all the questions and challenges smoothly. And finished the day with great grade. aw.. i'm so thankful..

 
to be continue..